Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How external is "for external use only"?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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