haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
