She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
