sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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