We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
