Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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