i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
