"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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