You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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