It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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