I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
