My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
