Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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