saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
