I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
