I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
