I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
