she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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