hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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