Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize