you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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