Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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