I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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