Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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