so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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