it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
