My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
MIDGETS
????
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
