$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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