Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
