But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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