It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
