my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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