Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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