we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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