can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
