how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
