take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
