I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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