I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
