Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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