U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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