Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
