What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
