i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
