Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
