i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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