Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
