Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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