How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
