Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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