Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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