I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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