some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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