I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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