Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
