I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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