Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
