i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
