all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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