Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
