To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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