At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
