so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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