So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
