i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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