We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
