Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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