Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was like eating out sand paper
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
be right there i have to get my cape
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
