I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
