May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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