there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
