I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
