yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize