I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
