...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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