i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
