Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize