What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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